Love and Communication Coaching Can Help You
Co-Create The Relationship Of Your Dreams
Improve Communication and Harmony
Increase Physical and Sexual Intimacy
Come Together as Co-Creative Partners
I firmly believe that every couple has the potential to end fighting and painful isolation and find their way back to conscious love and honest intimacy. I have witnessed so many times how one person, softening his or her heart to themselves, has helped to instantaneously lift the couple out of a negative cycle and toward an intimate connection. Our unconscious habits can be tenacious, and it can take several cycles of pulling yourself out / falling back in / pulling yourself out of the unconscious pattern to fully land in a vibrantly fulfilling relationship, but the rewards are so worth it, and coaching can absolutely help. The first step is to start catching yourself in your pattern and communicating your observations of the bigger picture with your partner.
I specialize in couples counseling from a spiritually grounded, collaborative perspective. I hold the couple as having come together because of unique karmic qualities that hold potential for both a great match and at the same time the one person who can trigger old stuff better than anyone else. There's actually a gift in the conflict that gets triggered - this one person is uniquely capable of contacting the parts of you that are calling out for integration and growth.
Humans are relational animals. I believe we are always trying, even when we are fighting or avoiding one another, to connect with each other in the best way we know how, while also feeling safe. We develop an attachment style as children that follows us into our adult relationships with friends, lovers, and the world. Quite often, attachment styles in love relationships can brush up against one another in a way that feels challenging; the Pursuer / Distancer dynamic being one example. Coaching can help you learn to find an observation platform above the tension:
Partner A: (feeling, but not sharing) I can’t stand this - B is ignoring me again! I wish B would stop socializing so much and spend more time with me!
Partner B: (feeling, but not sharing) Ugh... I can tell A wants me to stay home. Wow, I can’t believe how controlling A is! I just want some time and space to myself and to hang out with my friends!
You can have an open and curious inquiry:
Partner A: “Honey, I know you have plans to go out tonight but I find myself wishing you wouldn’t, and I that is helping me realize right now I have been feeling a little lonely lately. I don't actually want to keep you from your fun, I just want some more quality time with you soon.”
Partner B: “I so appreciate you sharing that with me, sweetie. I didn’t know you’ve felt lonely. Thanks for telling me about it. Let’s make a date for some quality time in the next couple of days.”
Partner A: “That sounds wonderful. I was feeling that part of me that is afraid of you leaving and that just wants to keep you here right now getting triggered and I let myself sense in to what might be the feeling underneath that impulse. Just knowing you totally get me in this moment helps so much. I already feel less lonely and less anxious!”
Partner B: “And I’m so glad you did that, love. I know I can have a tendency to pull away those time I sense that you’re vaguely anxious and I also know that I don’t really want to be distant from you, and I definitely don’t want to fall into our old unconscious pattern again, that was no fun.”
You really do love each other.
You really do want things feeling easy and harmonius and to be feeling connected.
And you CAN get here!
The old dynamic gets turned on its head when Partner A can own their own feelings and avoid blame and when Partner B can hear Partner A's experience with empathy and not take their partner's feelings personally and defensively withdraw.
Healthy Intimacy: 3 easy steps
1 - Understand what you want and need.
2 - Believe you are worth what you want and need.
3 - Communicate to another what you want and need.
It's a beautiful process to be able to get to a point of working on yourself with a partner who is also working on her / himself - and growing together in love!
While holding this bigger picture of what is possible in a relationship, our work in session often involves some kind of communication coaching - we need practical tools as building blocks for a grand vision.
I have worked with Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg's system of compassionate, self-aware communication) for years, and utilize it and other models for quality, self-aware communication in my work with couples.
I have worked with couples who have been in crisis for an extended period of time, and also couples who are relatively stable and want to improve and deepen their relationship, or are looking for pre-marital counseling. I welcome queer as well as straight couples, and have worked with many couples of mixed cultural background.
Helping people to connect is my soul's calling and I feel joyfully blessed to be doing this work.
I consult regularly with my mentor, Dr Stuart Sovatsky, a pioneer in Tantric Couples Counseling and love coaching, and leader in the field of Transpersonal Psychology.
I have had additional training with Dan Wile, founder of Collaborative Couples Therapy, and have participated in a regular consultation group training in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples with Michael Klein.
I have also trained extensively with my personal couples therapy heroes: Gay and Katie Hendricks, bestselling authors of Conscious Loving and other great books, who provide a beautiful model of the vibrant love that really is possible in relationship when two people take responsibility for co-creating a powerfully nurturing partnership.